i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
