Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
being pregnant is like rehab
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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