we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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