she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
is that a dick in a sweater?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
