Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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