I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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