he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
