hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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