this beer tastes like vomit already
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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