Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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