when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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