I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
