He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
