Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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