You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
