you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I supernannyed him into submission
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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