Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
