the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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