I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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