But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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