Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
