ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
