I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
