Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
