How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
