The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
