Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
