he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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