i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
