i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We left the knife in your bed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
