so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
