Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
