Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well most of my day revolves around power hour
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
