After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
