You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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