Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
