you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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