I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
