So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
