Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
