Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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