Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize