The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
