careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
