Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
