I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
