Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
