when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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