I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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