hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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