woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
