The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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