i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
