its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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