Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
