Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
