Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
