my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
