I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
