Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
