Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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