So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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