I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
