i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
