Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
being pregnant is like rehab
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
