someone get that fucking seahorse.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
