You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
