I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
