I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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