My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
