saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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