she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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