yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
