Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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