look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
