I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
