we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
