Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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