that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
