my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
