is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
