I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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