I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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