are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
