i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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