why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
