im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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