I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
