It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
