I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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